The Loneliness of High Performers: Understanding the Disposition

It Gets Lonely at the Top

I don’t mean the literal top, however that is true as well. When we think of leaders: CEO's, COO’s, CFO's, executives and those serving in these high-power positions certainly can bring a sense of loneliness and lends to a natural disconnection from most of the company. After all, you are leading the organization and have a tough charge. But what I am referencing here is more the personality of top performers. This is not necessarily a position, but a disposition.

The disposition that drives one to be successful and those that are in the top 5-10% of their organization or population. Yes, it can be engrained into one’s personality and might be the result of a culmination of upbringing, need for validation, or simply a desire to experience success. Regardless of how we arrive there, this blog is about what do we do when being in this space feels isolating and lonely. Let’s talk for a minute about this!

Some examples:

The top 10% of students are often on honor rolls or dean’s lists. In sports, the top 1–5% might qualify for elite competition. In even in corporate environments, high performers may be the top 10–20% driving 80% of the results (reflecting the Pareto Principle).

What is it then about the disposition that drives them and keeps one operating at such a high level? Often these individuals carry a higher level of discipline than majority of the population. They remain focused and are not sidetracked by feelings or emotions. They can see the bigger picture of their goals and remain committed. These individuals also might possess an untethered motivation. Meaning, a motivation that is not connected to results. Often when we tie our motivation to results, and don’t achieve the results, we then lose motivation. In the sport psych realm, this is known as a process goal orientation, paired with an intrinsic motivation. This combination can be a great combination when it comes to high achievement. Someone with this nature is aligned for greatness as long as they stay the course.

They may also possess a higher emotional intelligence (EQ) and have increased awareness of themselves and their surroundings. Often wondering, “does anybody else think about these things?” They have a higher capacity to process information and remember key details. They are observant, and slow to make any judgement before having the details. They may have a higher IQ and be able to analyze and conceptualize at a deeper level. They may learn and absorb at a faster rate than others. They may have higher ambition than most, and not see obstacles that others do in the same way. They may not be deterred by a challenge; in fact, they may embrace challenges as an opportunity for growth. A few other qualities is that they may be able to stay calm under pressure, can handle high amounts of stress and still function well, they aren’t swayed by things that might throw others into a panic. Whether this is innate or the byproduct of training, it is within their disposition.

These are just a few examples of the disposition. And when you realize that only roughly 10% of the population is this way, and if you are in this population, then it can feel isolating at times. You might even get to the point of trying to downplay yourself to fit in. Because it may seem that others are uncomfortable around you, it may seem that they perceive you as a threat, and it may highlight other's insecurities. It can feel like you are too much, or even feel like rejection at times, thwarting any potential for connection and leading to isolation and solitude. Naturally being in this space can be a barrier towards forming authentic connections with the world around you.

So, if you’re reading this, and it resonates with you, then here are a few ways to overcome isolation as a high performer:

1. Cultivate Vulnerability: Embrace openness about your challenges and emotions. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can foster deeper connections and reduce feelings of isolation.

2. Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with mentors, peers, and friends who understand your journey and can offer guidance and support.

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote mental and physical well-being, such as mindfulness practices, exercise, and hobbies. These activities can help maintain balance and prevent burnout.

4. Seek Professional Support: Therapy or coaching can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop strategies to cope with the pressures of high performance.

5. Redefine Success: Reflect on what success means to you personally, beyond external achievements. Aligning your goals with your values can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Embracing the Journey

While the path of a high performer can be solitary at times, it is also rich with opportunities for growth and connection. By acknowledging the challenges and actively seeking ways to build meaningful relationships, you can navigate the complexities of high achievement and find fulfillment both personally and professionally.

If you enjoyed this post, then please like and share. If you would like to explore performance coaching to help you reach your goals, then reach out via email to coach@renewperformance.org