Examining a common characteristic of high performers is the idea of perfectionism. The irony is that we often find the more effort or striving we do, the more we may fail. Performers care, otherwise they wouldn’t be performing. Often though they are their own worst critics, with high expectations, sometimes nearing perfectionism. But the key is to learn the fine line of balance, performing without the goal of perfection. What seems counterintuitive is actually the ideal. In fact, in the field of Sport Psychology we label this fine line of balance as “flow”. It is not forced, it is not fake, it is a natural outflow of skills built over time.
In my efforts to explore this, I have discovered that there are two traits that have been shown to block flow. These two traits are part of the BIG FIVE personality traits. The Big Five personality traits, also known as the Five-Factor Model (FFM), are a widely accepted model used to understand human personality. The five traits are:
Openness to Experience:
Involves the extent to which a person is imaginative, curious, and open-minded. People high in openness tend to enjoy new experiences, are creative, and are curious about different ideas.
Conscientiousness:
Refers to how organized, responsible, and dependable a person is. Those high in conscientiousness are usually detail-oriented, goal-driven, and reliable.
Extraversion:
Involves the level of sociability, assertiveness, and excitement-seeking behavior. Extraverts tend to be outgoing, energetic, and enjoy social interactions.
Agreeableness:
Reflects the degree to which a person is cooperative, empathetic, and considerate. Those high in agreeableness are often friendly, compassionate, and easy to get along with.
Neuroticism (Emotional Stability):
Describes the tendency to experience negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and irritability. People with high neuroticism may be more prone to stress, while those with low neuroticism tend to be more emotionally stable.
These traits are often considered to be on a spectrum, meaning individuals can fall anywhere between high and low for each of these traits. Studies find that Neuroticism and Conscientiousness are two strongly correlated factors to disposition that is flow inhibitory.
Furthermore, perfectionism involves opposing forces to flow, leading to undesirable experiences. In most studies, the positive relation between conscientiousness and self-oriented perfectionism and neuroticism and socially prescribed perfectionism has been replicated, while other Big Five personality traits did not show a consistent pattern of correlation. (Johnson, Kaiser, et. al, 2014).
Flow inhibition is the blockage by a conscience awareness of the world around us, and our own inner dialogue. This is an essential component of successful performers. However if we always expect perfection, it might not be feasible to also experience high performance. Perfection and performance seem to have an inverse relationship, when aiming for perfection our performance declines. But when letting go of perfection, performance increases. Perfectionism, with its constant pressure to meet unattainable standards, often paralyzes us, leading to flow inhibition. When we’re constantly fixated on whether what we’re doing is “perfect” or not, it takes us out of the present moment, preventing us from tapping into our full potential.
The paradox outlined is crucial to understand, that by letting go of the desire for perfection, we open ourselves up to perform at our highest level. It's like unclenching our fists and allowing the natural flow of creativity, effort, and intuition to take over. The irony is that when we stop focusing on being perfect, we often perform better than we ever could while trying to control every detail.
So what are some practical tips in learning to let go:
Breaking the cycle between Neuroticism and Conscientiousness requires mindful strategies that foster emotional stability and realistic goal-setting. Here’s how to work through it based on your suggestions:
1. Practice Self-Compassion:
How it breaks the cycle: Neuroticism often involves self-criticism and anxiety. By practicing self-compassion, you reduce the impact of negative emotions. Acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes allows you to soften the emotional response to failure, helping to build emotional resilience.
Practical tip: When you make a mistake, instead of spiraling into self-criticism, speak to yourself like you would to a friend. Offer kindness and understanding, recognizing that imperfection is part of growth.
2. Set Realistic, Flexible Goals:
How it breaks the cycle: Conscientiousness can sometimes push individuals to set extremely high standards, which, if unattainable, can exacerbate feelings of failure (leading to increased neuroticism). Setting realistic goals prevents burnout and helps balance the drive for achievement with emotional well-being.
Practical tip: Break big tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces. Reevaluate the goals regularly and adjust them as needed, knowing that flexibility is key. When you succeed at smaller steps, you feel more competent, which counteracts feelings of anxiety.
3. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection:
How it breaks the cycle: The perfectionist tendencies in conscientiousness may lead to frustration and self-doubt when the ideal isn't reached. Focusing on progress fosters a healthier attitude and shifts your attention from perfection to growth, which helps alleviate anxiety and boosts motivation.
Practical tip: At the end of each day or week, take time to reflect on what you’ve learned or accomplished, no matter how small. Write down these achievements and acknowledge the effort behind them. This shift from outcome to effort helps reduce stress.
4. Adjust Expectations:
How it breaks the cycle: Sometimes, conscientious individuals set standards that are unrealistic and contribute to stress, triggering neuroticism. By adjusting expectations, you can reduce feelings of frustration and failure, leading to emotional stability.
Practical tip: Periodically review your goals and assess whether they are aligned with your current resources, time, and energy. Give yourself permission to adjust those goals in the face of reality, understanding that personal growth is not about rigid perfection but evolution.
By combining self-compassion, flexibility in goal-setting, a focus on progress, and adjusting expectations, you can gradually break the cycle of neuroticism and excessive conscientiousness. This approach creates a healthier balance between striving for achievement and maintaining emotional well-being.
If you want to learn more about this topic, or would like to work with Dr. Ross, she offers one:one consultation and customized workshops for teams and organizations. Reach out today by sending an email to coach@renewperformance.org
Reference:
Jarrod A. Johnson , Heidi N. Keiser , Evan M. Skarin & Scott R. Ross (2014): The Dispositional Flow Scale–2 as a Measure of Autotelic Personality: An Examination of Criterion- Related Validity, Journal of Personality Assessment, DOI: 10.1080/00223891.2014.891524
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